Sorry everyone, but I am going to get introspective and use the medium to speak some personal words into the universe. I have found that stating and sending out personal affirmations help me roll my boulder forward and kill the albatross (I hate that Mother F-ing bird, as in my own personal albatrosses)
After taking inventory regarding my last couple of months of health adventures, I must compile. Like anything, the results we see are often of our own doing and I have to own my own contributions to the undoing of three years of hard work. 85 pounds went away and 30 have returned. I was chewing up many miles a week, at least 4 days a week, but I am lucky to get in one a week anymore. Certainly too much time is spent with the TV as down time musing and too much work. Getting up at three or four in the morning is not healthy when you go to bed near midnight.
I certainly cannot ignore the diet. Being from the south, my culture is one that eats whenever a worthy occasion arises. That Pavlovian conditioning means that all the milestones in my life essentially are rewarded with food. So what happens when stress triggers kick in…? I eat. Having a culinary degree and love of gastronomy makes the difficulty setting go from hard to heroic. It is a coping device, and one that will kill me unless I get on top of it again. Couple that with a household full of junk food fanatics, and time starved adults and I guess it is easy to see I am like Scarface at a cocaine factory.
We all win the lottery in some way. Something in our lives beat the odds in a big way. In my case, I hit the genetic sweepstakes. My unique body chemistry is such that a world-renowned physician that concentrates in lipid research thinks I am neat. He has stated, “I collect people like you.” I guess it is good to wanted, right? My chemistry coupled with certain nutritional combinations results in a vicious cycle of triglyceride elevation and insulin resistance. It creates conditions just right for pancreatitis. It is genetic, to paraphrase a doctor, “you could eat a bucket of lard and not get triglycerides that high.” Thanks mom, dad, and recessive genes; It’s all Friar Gregor Mendel’s fault.
I have avoided another pancreatic attack since 2011, in fact, that is why I lost all the weight in the first place. When friends asked me why I ran so much, I always remarked, “I’m just trying to outrun my mortality.” Tongue in cheek for sure, but I did hope it helped stave off the inevitable until I am reasonably old. I had a mission, and for the most part, I stayed on mission.
So here I am, 6 months after injuring my calf, half-defeated and half-overwhelmed. Most who know me, know I am pretty career orientated. I love being an appraiser; it is something I am good at and something that interests me. I have been steadily busy getting a second professional designation, getting approved to instruct for the Appraisal Institute, helping build out a team in a private venture, while working full time with the government. Not to mention I am developing educational material for two classes. I sit on three committees, write in my spare time, and try to make time for my running. Add In the personal stuff like my mother is nearing her life expectancy and was diagnosed with stage 2 dementia, among other things…
Yeah, on paper it looks like too much. Something has to give and it will not be me. Part of being strong is saying no and understanding my limits. Part of that is also remembering that I cannot hide from contributing to the world or better yet, myself. I am too smart to be this dumb.
My good friend and colleague had this to share with me, “So you are 15-years into appraising (thereabouts) and already have two designations, are a national instructor, and are about to co-teach an advanced class, and have been speaking nationally? Sheesh, slow down or you will crash and burn.”
She is right. Now I must figure out which piece(s) to remove. Fortunately, that is easy for me. Circumstance,cosmic timing, and a friend from Ocean City have converged…or M-Brane theory has overwhelmed my reality.
In the next several days a major change will occur. I will transcend, I will escape me, and I will overcome. I will.
“It is the power of the mind to be unconquerable.”
Seneca, The Stoic Philosophy of Seneca: Essays and Letters